Monthly Archives: July 2011

A Marriage in Dalian

Yesterday was my only child’s marriage thirteen hours ahead and half the world away. While I was in bed trying to sleep, he and his fiance were at the marriage hall signing papers in Dalian, China. A friend of mine calls her adult offspring her chadults. This was my chadult. He has waited almost thirty five years of his life to “take a wife”.

He has had several serious relationships in the past seventeen years or so but nothing ever really clicked. I never heard who broke  up with whom with those girls.

He left this country to become a world citizen while he was still in his twenties. The amount of time we have spent together since then can be measured in days, not years. It’s hard to find out about his life in that kind of situation. so many sons don’t share those kinds of feelings anyway .

I’m glad that he decided to marry. I’m hoping that means he is wanting to have a child. I don’t know how long he plans to stay in China but there will be only one if they stay there, although China  makes exceptions if neither parent has siblings or for foreigners.

I’m old fashioned enough to believe that a child needs both a father and a mother. Sometimes that idea is not realistic if one parent or the other is a poor role model.

I grew up without a mother and I did not want my son to grow up without a father. I never would have left him, even though our marriage was rocky from the start and became rockier when my son was born. In many ways, I was relieved when his father left our home. I tried to find healthier role models for him as he grew older. My son was and still is very closed about how our divorce affected him. I hope he didn’t take his father’s actions as lessons into his own marriage.

I don’t know if my son will follow in his father’s footsteps or will consciously choose to take another path. I’m hoping everything that was negative in his life he will use in a positive way in his marriage. If it had not been for the fact that I desire to have a grandchild, I think I might have tried to convince him to just continue to live with her rather than marry her. That lifestyle has become more acceptable now.

I think a man behaves better when he realizes that she can walk out at a moment’s notice without any strings attached. That idea keeps him behaving much better towards her. I’ve seen too many men take their wives for granted and treat them with contempt once the wedding is over.

I see so much good in my son and know he is capable of being a wonderful husband. I have never talked with my new daughter-in-law to know anything at all about her. I just wish the best for them and a long road of happiness ahead of them. I wish them both my best wishes. Namaste Attic Annie

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God was with them with no fires with the fireworks

It is the 4th of July…another day to celebrate our independence. Our freedom. Our desire to do as we please and let everyone else be damned. A day to assert once again that we know what we are doing and we’ll do it regardless of the consequences…so help us God!

Our village has a parade every year. It only lasts about ten minutes but it’s good clean fun. The boy scouts lead with the American flag. The fire trucks roll, the mayor sits in the back of a convertible wearing an oversized Uncle Sam hat. The citizens on patrol volunteers wear their uniforms and drive by in cars with the magnetic COP signs attached to their doors. Then there is an assortment of kids on bikes, kids in wagons, senior citizens on bikes, and, if we are lucky, the county sheriff’s mounted patrol…this is Texas after all. This is the first year where somebody actually thought about the gifts that horses often bring and decided to make the patrol the last entry in the parade instead of the first. It saves those that follow from breaking ranks and weaving around the piles looking like they started the celebrating a little early.

This day is the one day there is a possibility to actually talk to some of the neighbors. We all gather on the street to watch the parade go by. I wish I hadn’t had that opportunity today. It makes it a challenge for me to befriend this one family.

I asked the mother if they were going to watch the fireworks tonight. “Oh, we already had our fireworks. We have friends down in Joshua who have a house out in the country. We always go down there and set off a whole bunch for our kids.”

If you live outside the city limits in unincorporated areas there is no one to stop you. Now before you think what’s wrong with that…almost the entire state of Texas is under a burn ban. Except for a handful of East Texas counties, the whole of Texas is one big haystack waiting for that one match to set off unstoppable conflagration. We’ve already proved that to the west of us around Possum Kingdom.

She went on to explain that they had garden hoses to put out any fires and said the boys stomped out several of them before she even realized there were any lit. She sounded so proud that her boys knew how to handle fires.

What makes me upset is that the father of this crew is a very rigid Literalist Religion professor. He has home schooled his children and made certain they live to follow the rules of God more often found in the Old Testament with its rules and regulations with sinners and hell than in the New Testament love one another variety. He honestly believes that the world would be a much better place if everyone believed and acted just the way he does.

So what does he do? He defies the burn ban and actually teaches his children by example that following the letter of the law in the Bible does not include using common sense and following the laws of man.

Had the wind been blowing one or two miles per hour heavier last night, or had one of the rockets landed just outside the radius of the garden hoses there would have been much different results.

But then they knew God would take care of them. He always does. Namaste. Attic Annie

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