Perhaps perhaps perhaps I can be grateful

“There is a line that stuck in my head, from King Caspian at the very end of the movie. He tells Aslan, ‘I’ve spent too long regretting what I’ve lost instead of being thankful for what I’ve been given.”

I am unabashedly borrowing my opening sentence from the young blogger/former student I blogged about yesterday. I just finished reading her Monday blog. It’s one of the better ones of hers I’ve read. She has a knack for description which is truly enjoyable. The quote from King Caspian is from “The Dawn Treader” which she just viewed.

I have not been a Chronicles fan so I probably would have missed this. What the king said resonated with me.

Perhaps it is because I am an introvert and subject to over introspection. Perhaps it is because I inherited my propensity for depression from my father. Perhaps it is because I was born a Cancer. This description from the Cancer website seems to fit me perfectly…

“Cancerians have a particularly strong memory for emotionally laden events which they can recall in detail for years. They are governed by childhood memories and since they live intensely in the past in memory…etc”

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.  Again with the introspection.

Are we destined to live our lives in certain ways? Is it in our genes? Those three “perhapses” are pretty convincing to me as reasons I have lived most of my years backing into the future keeping my eyes on the past. If it were a recent development, I’d blame the fact I’m getting older and doing a retrospective analysis of my life. Such is not the case. The past has always been more vivid to me than the now.

I spend way too long thinking about the past and its losses. According to Eckart Tolle, I am not living in the now. There is power in living in the now. Since my mind tends to live so much in the past, I am not using the most of my power.

I have had many losses in my life including loves, family, friends, health, retirement funds, etc. I find myself, like King Caspian, revisiting those losses and ruing them, choosing to do that far more often than making the choice to make more positive memories in the present. It is not what I choose to do, but I make the excuse that it is what I am destined to do.

Is it possible to change our destiny? Tolle seems to think so. For those who blithely say, “Forget the past”, I respond that it is extremely difficult and for some impossible.  Some seemed to be forced to stay there forever.

But is it impossible? I would like to think not. There are those readers now who are saying, “With God all things are possible”. I try to agree.
I try more every day to be thankful for what I have been given. Albeit I view my life as having been a rather boring, uneventful, and lonely and often sad experience, I would not trade it for the lives of millions, nay billions, of  women now living throughout the world. In comparison, I have been bountifully blessed. When I hear of the experiences of others, I am more than satisfied with my own. It is once again, “There but by the grace of God, go I.” I choose to not walk in the moccasins of any other woman. I am grateful for my own.

I have very seldom to my knowledge held any envy for whatever anyone else has had. For that I am thankful. Envy can lead to coveting. Coveting sometimes leads to stealing. Stealing can lead to punishment. Punishment can be far worse than not having the object of our desires in the first place. I very much believe in “Be careful what you wish for.”

There is a prayer I have learned that goes like this:

“The Light of God surrounds me, the Love of God enfolds me, the Power of God protects me, the Presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.” Some add, ” And I am grateful!”

Whenever I say that prayer, I AM grateful. Now if I can convince myself to live in the Now, I will be a more complete person. Namaste Attic Annie






1 Comment

Filed under Casual conversation, diary, general topics, life, musings

One response to “Perhaps perhaps perhaps I can be grateful

  1. We are twelve main types of star sign, and a plethora of combinations when we take all the aspects in consideration. Some of these star signs handle the past, other the future and some live in the present.
    You are not necessarily living in the past just because you think about the past, but there may be things in your past, karmic intricacies, that you can release if you understand your past.
    I am Virgo, with Uranus and Jupiter in Cancer, that is I am analytical and have had an extremely good memory of the past and their inconsistencies/mysteries, but when I understood them, the memory of it faded out to a normal level.
    In the same way, I couldn’t sleep before I had understood each days ‘mysteries’.
    Today I don’t think mush about the past, and don’t dream about the future, neither has any attraction any more, so it is possible to concentrate on the now, but first when the past are released.