The Game of Love Rules of the Game Part 2


Yesterday I started with relating what has brought me to this point in my relationship life, still unaware of the rules of the game of love. I am not much of a game player. Perhaps it was because my circumstances as a child left me with many hours of alone time throughout grade school and high school. Maybe it’s because of my intense introversion. On the Myer-Briggs Personality Scale which I’ve taken once along with two different free internet versions, I have scored respectively 98%, 99%, and 100% introverted. Perhaps that is the “spark” that is missing from my love life.

A “girl” friend I continue to talk with a couple times a year asked me several years ago if a mutual friend Jack had ever invited me to a club dance. I told her no. She said he really liked me but had told her, “She is the easiest person to get to know and the hardest person to get close to that he had ever met.” No, he never did ask me.

After my south Texas five year but only eight day affair I talked about yesterday, I swore off ever trying to find another love. The serial romances I had had before my marriage and the two after my divorce were enough to make me cry “Uncle”! I gave up.

Last July while I was volunteering at a local outdoor concert, I happened to see a man using his video cam and recording the meeting of the volunteers. I walked over to him and started a conversation. He was friendly and was easy to talk to. When I told him I was a retired teacher who taught elementary English, he started to talk about how much he enjoyed blogging.

The story may have ended there. It took me a while to think about blogging myself. When I finally decided I wanted to know more about it, it took me a little while to find his blog site. I sent him an email telling him I’d like to know more. I had no idea how to even begin setting up a blog. We emailed a few times and he volunteered to come to my home to help me set up.

He was a perfect gentleman. I didn’t expect that he wouldn’t be. He came over and I fed him a supper of pizza for his troubles. We emailed a few more times when I had questions and talked a couple of times on the phone. In one of those conversations I brought up the fact that I had been a massage therapist. I can’t remember why. His interest was immediately aroused. He asked if I were still in practice, and if so, how much I charged. I told him that since I had let my registration elapse, I only work on friends and that I bartered. We talked a little more and agreed he take  me to a Cats (local minor league baseball team) game if I would give him a massage. Then he started hinting around and asked me what kind of “extras” I would be doing during the massage. It was soon obvious to what he was referring. I assured him he would have his briefs on and would be completely covered because I was a professional registered therapist. He continued with the conversation in the same vein and so I ended it.

A few weeks later he called again and said he noticed I still didn’t know how to link sites. He had continued to follow my blog. I thought maybe he knew where I stood on the “extras” massage issue, but this guy was relentless. This time he didn’t mention a massage. He just wanted “serviced” to put it politely with my talented hands in exchange for his computer tutoring.

I had told him that I was not interested. I told him again. He told me he didn’t feel any “sparks” with me and he was not particularly attracted to me yet he continued to press the servicing.  It was OK with me that he wasn’t attracted because, although he was a gentleman the first time he helped me, I wasn’t particularly attracted to him either.

I told him that if I were to date again, I wanted to meet someone who had the patience to go slow. I wanted to build a bond with him before we both mutually decided, if we wished, to become intimate. He replied, “I can’t wait that long,” He decided that I was saying he should provide all the transportation and take me around (implied “date”) until I decided, if I ever did, that I was ready for more. Needless to say, he didn’t come to my home a second time, although not before he told me he had met a woman and there were “serious sparks” between the two of them. I wished him well but hopefully ended that relationship.

I continued to read his blog and about a week later he blogged he had had fantastic sex the night before. I was so thankful I was not the one. Of course he found a picture of a lacivious blond posed in a crotch shot to accompany that blog.

From time to time I still monitored his web site. Later on he bemoaned the fact he couldn’t get or keep a girlfriend. Well, DUH! I thought. Some guys never learn.

E Harmony had a three month special in November. I had been on there one other time without success but I thought what the heck and joined one more time. My first date turned out to be the exact opposite of me in my opinions. That relationship ended with lunch. The second man turned out to be another nice guy and a perfect gentleman. We spent five dates together over six weeks.  We had a lot in common. We both enjoyed each other’s company. And then he disappeared. I talked about this in Empty Valentine’s Day.

Since he had said he was not a game player, I emailed him after waiting a month and reminded him that quitting and disappearing without even a good bye was very much a part of playing a game. He then admitted there were no “sparks”. I knew that. I didn’t feel sparks either, but I was glad. Every boy and young man I knew before and including my husband started out a relationship with me with “sparks”. I didn’t find “nice guys” appealing.  Several of the dates with the young men turned into conflagrations quickly and then died out leaving cold ashes.

With this relationship I was hoping that the warmth would turn into sparks in time. It is said that the brain is the biggest sex organ around. Although he didn’t totally appeal to me, each time I saw him he appeared slightly more attractive. I was beginning to think I had met the guy I had told July blogger I wanted to find. We were working on developing a friendship first. But….”no sparks” reared it’s ugly head again.

My question is this, is it possible to grow a friendship first and let the sparks develop gradually, like they did with my south Texas friend? Steve Harvey and Dave Chapell have both said, “Don’t give it away too early. Respect yourself.” That advice started to sink in. How does one find “The Book of Love” or “Rules to Have a Long lasting Relationship“? Is it possible to ever learn to do it right? How do those who have been faithfully married thirty or more years do it? What are the rules? If it is true that attraction boils down to the ratio of waist to hips (see link above), I have been doomed forever. In my entire life I have inhabited a body like a tree. At times I’ve been somewhat a willow. Other times, I’m more like an oak. Regardless of heavy or thin, I’m still without curves. At my age should I just hang it up?

 H E L P ! Advice requested. Namsate. Attic Annie

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7 Comments

Filed under Casual conversation, diary, general topics, humor, life, relationships

7 responses to “The Game of Love Rules of the Game Part 2

  1. Hi Annie,

    I am soooo glad you asked!

    I was reading your Valentine’s Blog and saying to myself, or to you!………”you are pushing against what you are actually wanting”!!!! Release the resistance and everything you ask for will come to you.

    OK, what am I talking about? Your ‘vibes’. We all send out vibrations whether we know it or not, whether we believe it not. So, start creating what you want by sending out the vibrations of what you want and then, most importantly, allow it in.

    I have been living my life by Law of Attraction for over a year now and I promise you it works. My friend writes how it works………The Vortex, which, I believe, is the best book ever written.

    http://www.squidoo.com/who-are-abraham-hicks

    Coincidentally, I never knew what Positive Mental Attitude meant until I was in my 30’s and had a job in sales. I find that unbelievable to have grown up to an adult and never having heard of a positive mental attitude! But I learnt from the best………Zig Ziglar. In my sales job way back then, my boss said to me “if you write half million pound of business in one month I will pay for (all expenses) you to attend a Zig Ziglar seminar in Dallas, Texas. Annie, I had never even written a quarter of mill. You guessed it, I did it. I listened to Zig on cassette tapes day in and day out……..I believed that I was going to go to Dallas, I visualised what I wanted and it came to me!!!

    As the years have passed (48 now). Now I realise that I was sending out the vibes. I was attracting into my life what I wanted and it came to me. I also realise now that I did not need to work so hard to achieve it!!! My children are so impressed that I have been to the United States, me too actually.

    I love watching the coincidences of law of attraction…….you mentioned the Cowboys were not playing last Sunday? I assumed/wondered were you referring to the Dallas Cowboys? I have a Dallas Cowboy T-Shirt and fridge magnet and I am an English woman living in Wales reading your blog….strange how it works!

    Anyway, I love your writings, apologies for my English Grammar! Oh, and apologies for lengthy comment, I could talk about this until the cows come home!

    Pauline

    • atticannie

      Please explain more. I’m well aware of the law of attraction but I’m not sure how I’m pushing against what I’m wanting. Good to hear from you Pauline. I’m glad you are over there in the UK. Annie

      EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOOD Join me

      • We are ‘pushing against’ what we want by thinking or talking about what we don’t want. When we think to ourselves or talk to friends etc if we are in any way talking about what we don’t like or don’t want it is a negative vibration and because the Universe responds to our vibrations we are then attracting more of….what we don’t want!

        So in answer to your question …….is it possible to have friendship first and sparks gradually come into later…….yes, because anything you want is possible because you are in control of your life, you are in control of the vibrations that you give out.

        To stop pushing against, and to draw into your life a friendship with sparks later, all you have to do is think about exactly that, focus on exactly what you want and it will come to you.

        Start with small steps………

        Wouldn’t it be nice if I had a companion.
        I believe I can have a friendship in my life and that friend will come to me in time, if I allow him in, he is out there for me.

        When we focus on something there is always two sides, the positive and the negative and you can be thinking I want friendship with sparks later but at the same time thinking “they just want the sparks”! or maybe we have the friendship but the sparks are not there.

        You have to imagine what you want, you have to pretend you have it, and when you get into that good feeling place and feels real to you, it will appear!

        I have had many many things come into my life because I have pretended! I have little notebooks where I will write down “wouldn’t it be nice……..” and I think about it and it has come to me.

        Sometimes I can instantly manifest something (which is the best, haha) but a couple of things have taken around a year. I would just write my notes, read them whenever I wanted, daydreamed and then they appeared when I least expected them to. It is simply the best when you know that you alone brought that into your life and that you are in control.

      • atticannie

        I thought my thoughts were just that with latest guy…I’m glad I decided what I wanted…I’m glad we are enjoying each other’s company…I’m glad he’s not in a hurry…I’m glad our relationship is growing…it worked for 6 weeks. Strange how this was the second 6 weeks guy in my life.

        EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOOD Join me

      • Ah, this is where we have to be careful! Our friend ‘the Universe’ does not understand words such as…not or don’t. So if you are saying….I’m glad he’s not in a hurry, all the Universe hears from you is……..he’s in a hurry!!!!

        Also, although you may be thinking……..he’s not in a hurry………what are you feeeeeeling? Because that is what is most important, how we feeeeeeel. That is what the Universe picks up, our vibrations.

        Check out your feelings when you are thinking ‘I’m glad our relationship is growing’ because you could be saying that to yourself but really feeling deep down, I wonder how long this will last!!

        What we have to learn is to feeeel the difference in our stomach when we are thinking different thoughts.

        Think of something you have done or had that makes you feel good in your stomach, the old tingly feeling! That’s what you want to learn, so then you will be your own ‘deliberate creator’.

        Once you can get into that good feeling place and can notice the difference in your true feelings/vibrations you can get yourself into that feeling deliberately about anything that you want to come into your life, be it a friend, lover, car, money absolutely anything. You are in total control.

        Oh and remember Annie, you said yourself in another blog that you are at the age where you are allowed to be ‘whoohoo’……I’m at the age where, to those that do not understand all this…….I whacko, hehe.

        So, go have fun with your girl friends. Sit telling them all about the friendships you are going to have, have a little dance whilst singing all about this new friend. Go and pretend, and pretend again, until each time, he feels a bit more real and once you stop noticing he is not there, you will have stopped pushing against and he will appear, when you are least expecting it.

        All is truly well.

        Pauline

    • atticannie

      No apologies need except for the fact I didn’t see your entire blog. Yes, I’m talking Dallas Cowboys. I’m only a luke warm football fan but I love to see the ‘Boys win. It makes the stadium fuller and will help pay off the huge extravagent building paid for a little sooner. The stadium is in Arlington. The minister of our Unity Church is from Wales. I love to hear him talk. He’s gained a little Texan over the years but one can still plainly hear Wales. Make your comments as long as you wish anytime. I’m still not getting people to visit my attic often enough to suit me. I do notice quite a few people view me from UK. Did you tell any of your friends about me?

      • I love visiting your attic, thank you Annie. I will be coming back to talk with you about Oscar. I did not read that until late last night, I seem to be popping in and reading out of sequence somehow.

        Yes, I love the Welsh accent, although I am a Londoner in Wales, and although in the village that I live they rarely speak Welsh I do have a problem understanding the accent occasionally.

        No, I have not told any of my friends about you……….your readers are all your own doing and you are doing brilliant.

        Maybe if you say………I am getting more and more people visiting with me in the attic and it is great now I have more people replying to my blogs.

        Honest, I do it with my own website, little notes, reading them whenever I want and imagining and it is all coming to me.

        Have fun with it because it is fun and that is what it is all about, just having fun and everything you want will come to you.

        There will be a party in the attic before you know it, hehe.