It is almost two o’clock…pm. On a Saturday afternoon. I try to post by 6 am. I was up by 7. I would have only been an hour late but I had nothing to say…NOTHING.
Actually, I probably have too much to say. I just don’t want to deal with it today. The past couple of weeks have brought with them many changes that involve decisions. I’m not good at making a lot of decisions at the same time. That’s why I was always satisfied to be a part of the team but never the leader.
I go into overload. At that point I tend to ignore making all decisions and go into hibernation. To not decide is to decide. I’ve been told that a number of times. I finally found to whom the quote is contributed and learned that to do that is pusillanimous. Actually, what this guy, Harvey Cox said was ,“Somewhere deep down we know that in the final analysis we do decide things and that even our decisions to let someone else decide are really our decisions, however pusillanimous.” That is not my case. I will have to make the final decisions myself so the shortened quote is the one which fits me best today.
One of the things I have to deal with might simply be decided by doing nothing. But then I would always wonder. I’ve been there so many times before. Right now, I’m doing nothing. To do otherwise might lead to me finding out something I already know but don’t really want to hear.
Another decision involves questioning whether I’m deciding the right thing. This is a decision that Maxine, bless her heart, keeps offering suggestions. Do this. Do that. What about? Think you could? etc etc etc. She’s making me feel uncertain with the decision I thought I had already made. She’s coming up with all kinds of possibilities that could or couldn’t happen.
When I go into decision or uncertainty overload, I tend to sleep on it. And sleep. And sleep. It’s been a defense mechanism I’ve honed to a fantastic skill of survival…not very effective…but it works until I feel more self confident again.
Without spilling what these decisions concern, I guess that about sums up all I can say about my mood today.
For a change, I’ll make my blog short. Enjoy the rest of the day. Namaste. Attic Annie