Quirky quarks…connecting among us

The above you tube is not the artistic one with the great music I had here originally. I thought all problems had been solved with that one, but evidently not. Thanks to reader Mike, he offered a substitute. Now, thanks to my messed up computer, I can’t even find the address of the one I had originally to direct you to it on you tube. Oh well, you’ll get the idea anyway. It’s somewhere on the you tube site. Maybe you could go to the American Natural History Museum website and find it on there if you are so inclined.

If you entered the year 2010 thinking you are the center of the universe and all things worthy of being important revolve around you, think again. Better yet, begin your journey to stop thinking.

It takes a few minutes to watch the above video but it certainly puts things into perspective. Even though beings have asked the question since we first realized we could think, we still don’t know why we have arrived on this planet at this time in our lives. But none of us are worthy of being the center of the universe. Not even this planet is the center of the universe, nor our sun.

One thing I have learned something about this past year is the concept of “ego” in the spiritual realm. We are accustomed to describing the ego as the “personality” of someone. Synonyms were character, psyche, self, self-admiration.  If someone appeared too self-important, we said he (or she) had a big “ego”. It often separated “us” from “them”.

According to Adi Da Samraj, spiritual teacher: The ego is an activity, not an entity. The ego is the activity of avoidance, the avoidance of relationship. The root of all suffering is called the “ego”, as if it were a “thing”, an entity.

Echart Tolle says: The extent of the ego’s inability to recognize itself and see what it is doing is staggering and unbelievable. […] To become free of the ego is not really a big job but a very small one. All you need to do is be aware of your thoughts and emotions – as they happen. Shift from thinking to awareness. When you are able to do that, “self” disappears. You no longer use thinking for a sense of identity.

As I was growing up, I was either put, or I put myself, into a position where I felt I was of no importance. Perhaps it was due to the limited time I had to bond in infancy with my mother. Perhaps it was because, with the exception of my sister, my home was composed of introverts. Whatever the reason, I grew up thinking I was nothing of worth. In high school, my sister, who loved reporting to me about myself, said that I walked around “aloof'” like I owned the place, too good for anybody else. Inside, I felt just the opposite. I got the message (I thought) loud and clear that I was not good enough. Any contributions I made were of no value.

At home, I was not taught any social or domestic skills. What I learned, I learned by osmosis and trial and error. I gave up trying. As a result, in retrospect I believe I developed a tremendous ego in a negative sense. I did not feel self-pride, I felt self worthlessness. That, I believe, led to the years in my twenties of some pretty reckless, perhaps even dangerous, behaviors. All in all, it was still “ego”.

I have come far in my attempt to become a “being” instead of, for a large part, “un-doing” human. Many people view their lives as “doings” rather than “beings”. I am working on that. Slowly, ever so slowly, as my ego is shrinking, so is my attempt to separate my “self” from others because I am not good enough. I am slowly, ever so slowly, making connections. Last Sunday I had lunch with a woman who made the first suggestion that she would like to have lunch with me. That offer was extended some time in early 2009. Tonight another woman is coming to my home for supper. That is a giant step for me. It takes a lot of courage for me to reach out. But I am beginning to reach out.I am awaiting an appointment for an interview to become a volunteer at the county hospital. When I volunteered as a teenager, it was with a goal of learning as much about nursing as I could before I entered college. Now it is simply the desire to be of service to others.

What does that have to do with the opening video? As my ego shrinks, I am becoming aware of what connects me with everything around me. It is allowing me to see the relationships not only between other human beings, but also all of nature around me.

I have come to see myself as the smallest of quarks moving in the eye of God. I am here to interact and make connections. If I am a quark, I never occur alone.

What is a quark? Any of a group of subatomic particles thought to be among the fundamental constituents of matter—more specifically, of protons and neutrons. Quarks include all particles that interact by means of the strong force. They have mass and spin. They have never been resolved into smaller components, and they never occur alone.

I believe that the greatest of servants in the history of our world truly recognized their “quark-ness”. They are people who realized their connectedness yet honored their individual ultramicroscopic size.  There has even been a word floating around at least a century that is close. “Quirky“. Adj: quirky – informal terms; strikingly unconventional, far-out, offbeat, way-out, kinky, unconventional – not conventional or conformist; “unconventional life styles”

They were the ones who made connections with others with no thought of self. Now I have no intention of ending my life on that mega level…among the likes of Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela among others. One does not reach that beginning point of awareness when one is over sixty. That awareness of being has to start at a much earlier age. However, I can continue to live the rest of my life connecting with others and inviting them into my life rather than sit around waiting for them to invite me into theirs. I can honor the connectedness of all that is of this planet. And that is my resolution for 2010: to be more open instead of closed, to be more loving instead of waiting to be loved, to be more giving– to strive to be a “being” instead of a “doing” or in my case less of a “non-doing”. Perhaps I will be able to share some of my journey with you this year.

The woman who is coming to my home tonight is going to help smudge my house. I’m a lot more open these days to trying new things. If negative energy is present in my house, maybe that is why I am in limbo, trying to decide if I should stay or move, sell or bring in housemates, deliberately put things on hold whatever or move on with new possibilities, even relocate this year. Maybe there are new connections to make elsewhere. Maybe the connections here have served their purpose. Who is to say?

How’s that for some heavy thinking so early in the morning? I think the universe is conspiring to test my patience this morning. I have had many problems trying to get this article to post. I’ve rewritten parts of it three or more times. I was first ready to publish almost two hours ago. Oh well, everything is connected for a reason. Got to run to the store to restock on food. Company is coming. Namaste. Attic Annie








Filed under Casual conversation, diary, general topics, life, musings, self worth, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Quirky quarks…connecting among us

  1. Dang! They pulled that video off YouTube. There’s another one, from the 50s, that gives you a sense of scale:

    “Powers of Ten”

    It’s a classic. A camera starts looking down at a couple having a picnic on a field in Chicago. Then every second, the camera pulls 10 times further away. After a while, the camera is at the edge of the universe (really really far away). Then it starts going back in, zipping along to the starting point, and then starts going in, until pretty soon we’re looking at cells, molecules, atoms.

    “Many people view their lives as “doings” rather than “beings”.
    Buckminster Fuller thought about that one. He summed it up with “I am a verb”.

    There’s nothing quite like thinking about the Universe to give one a sense of scale. But it can throw you off the track. Compared to the Universe, we’re nothing. What anybody does here will have absolutely no effect on what happens in another galaxy.

    The point is, we’re not here to have an effect Out There. We’re here to have an effect Here. The people like those who run Camp Barnabas are the ones having the effect. And does anybody think that their names will be carved in some monument? (Well, it’s possible, but still, not likely.) But they’re having a lasting effect on the people they serve.

    We’re not all cut out to be Mother Teresas or the people that run the camp. I think the best we can do is try to find out what we can do.

    And we can reach out. There’s a risk in that – but then, almost everything in life has some sort of risk. The trick is to realize that we are strong enough to take the risk, and if we drop the ball, all we have to do is pick up another one.

    And we’re not alone in the world. There’s always God to turn to when things look bleak, and to turn to with thanks when things are great.

    Go into the interview with positive thoughts. Think of what you can give them, and what they can give you. (Like teaching, it’s a two-way thing.)

    • atticannie

      Thanks Mike. I saw that originally on you tube. When I went back to the you tube site it had the credits from the museum right there. I thought they had upgraded it so I tried it again. It worked on the you tube site.
      I am gettins so frustrated. I had tomorrow’s blog all ready. When I tried to insert a picture the whole blog disappeared and all that was left was the inserted picture. AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! That started happening a couple of blogs ago. I don’t know the cause or the solution. Maybe it has something to do with foxfire or IE 8. Whatever it is, it certainly is getting FRUSTRATING! &^*(%&%*&^)(&(&( That’s as close as I get these days to swearing but I might just cross the line some day.