Good morning! Wow! What a wonderful ride I had last week with my soccer blog! I am so thankful for the experience. I had no idea it would attract so much attention. It made me happy, but also a little apprehensive to think after so many years of wanting attention I’m finally attracting it. I’m the flower on the wall. Wall flowers usually are overlooked. In a way I was comfortable with that.
I subscribe to a newsletter that contains positive thoughts. On Thursday this quote was included.
"Go to the foot of a tree and make a list of all the things that can make you happy right now: the clouds in the sky,the flower in the garden . . . The list is endless. You have enough already to be happy now. You have enough to be free from coming and going, up and down, birth and death."
I often thought only other beings and things could make me happy and that happened very seldom. I thought happiness came from outside. Inside I had no feelings of happiness. Now, thankfully, I am living a long enough life that I am receiving the gift of realizing what makes me happy.
I really enjoy sitting on the porch with Maxine. She only started coming over within the last few of years. She is usually such a positive encouraging person and, perhaps because of her Southern upbringing, she’s very complementary. I used to deny compliments. Now I have learned to accept them. She’s taught me I’m worthy of compliments. Not very many women really ever learn that.
Holding a baby makes me happy. I can’t hold them too long if they are squirmy because the muscles in my arms are not very strong any more, but there is nothing more peaceful to me than sitting in a rocking chair cuddling a new life and smelling the new baby smell which is so soul pleasing.
Seeing rainbows during a brief afternoon sprinkle gives me delight. Other things that give me feelings that I am learning to call happiness are probably the same things on the lists of others:
Walking along the beach or sitting in the water letting the waves gently hit me. In other words, relearning how to play. I did that when I was down at South Padre a few years ago. My friend said that I looked like a little kid. That pleased me.
Watching an early morning sunrise or sunset. Some of them are really spectacular here in Texas.
Watching the antics of the squirrels in my yard, especially when they are gathering the pecans off my tree. They are mighty gymnasts and contortionists.
Feeling the water cascade down on my neck and shoulders in the shower, especially when the massage function is pulsing full blast.
Spending time with my favorite cousin and oldest friend who live back home in Illinois. Knowing at this point they are both cancer survivors fills me with much joy.
Being able to enjoy time with my son who has chosen to be a world wanderer. Since we’ve lived so far apart for eight years, the time is really special when we are able to be together.
Driving far enough away from the city to be able to see the sky full of stars at night. I have that chance so seldom it is really awesome when I can do that.
Drinking my Bengal Spice or Chi tea in the morning. I love most brands of herbal tea but these two are on top of my favorites list. Their warmth and spicy aroma are fantastic.
I used to love the moments in the classroom when the lights would go on for a student. The ah ha moment can be spectacular, especially with the struggling student.
Learning to let go and allow myself to laugh.
Thinking back to times with relationships with some of my male friends during the years. Although the ultimate outcome may not have been as I desired, there were moments that I was “in the now” and fully enjoying what was happening. I dated a guy for a short time who went with me up to a natural swimming area. Just sitting in front of him in the flowing water with his arms around me still fills me with the fondness I felt for him in that moment on that warm summer cloudless day.
I used to not pay attention whether I was happy or not. Now it makes me happy just to realize what I think true happiness feels like. There is nothing better than waking up in the morning and realizing that I feel GOOD today. I have been a depressive most my life. I value those days and realize they are coming more frequently. Joie la vie! It is such a gift to enjoy life!
When my son was not yet two months old, I spent time with my relatives at Thanksgiving. After the dinner, my cousin and I took a walk in the cold, sunny day. I told her that at that time, my son was the only thing I felt I had done right in my entire life. She reminded me of that not long ago.
I have spent most of my life regreting the failures I saw in my life. Perhaps, as usual, I have been too hard on myself. The lesson of my Wednesday night class was on Spiritual Gifts. I was reminded of some things I never let myself really believe.
This is what H. Emilie Cady had to say about failure:
Do not fear failure, but call failure good, for it reallly is. ‘Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit’. (John 12:24) Your greatest work will be done in your own God-appointed channel. Old ways must die. Failure is only the death of the old that there may be the hundredfold following. Apparent failure is His call to you to arrest your attention and turn you to Him. Do not let experinences [that have brought great disappointment not unmixed with considerable humiliation] discourage you. It only means that God is leading you upward into higher things. Do not fear or get nervous because you seem to ‘fail’. Failure is often success written with a capital S.
I am learning constantly to view my life in a new way. The toxic relationships, the disappointment with nursing, the jobs I thought I wanted but didn’t get, I’m learning to look back and glean the fruits that were in those experiences. Even though some events left me feeling a failure and bitterly unhappy, I can now view them as experiences in which I was given the opportunity to learn. For that I am happy and grateful. Time for church. Namaste. Attic Annie