I think my marriage was never closed

Hi there. Glad you stopped in. I am sooooo psyched! I wasn’t at my computer when it happened, but when I checked at 7:30 pm last night, I had surpassed my 1,000 visitor by 22! Y’all come on by there’s still plenty of room on the porch. When it gets cooler, we’ll move to the attic!

Now that I’m on this particular phase of my life, I think I’ll say a few more things about my marriage. The first thing I never should have done was get so quickly involved with someone I met who had been divorced one week before I met him. That’s called REBOUND

He should have been wearing this t shirt!

He should have been wearing this t shirt!

 and I jumped into the game immediately before I knew whom I was playing against.

My ex’s wife had left him several months after she began an affair with a man where she worked. My ex resented that on two fronts. One, he was feeling the sting of rejection, and two, the particular man had only a high school education and did manual labor, whereas my ex was a college graduate with a degree in engineering from a prestigious Indiana university! The thought of her picking someone lower in class than he was quite a blow to his ego. He said more than once, “He repairs cars for Christ’s sake.” His father had been a manual laborer but that was not good enough for him. He resented his family background. He was going to be a winner in this social race.

When I was asked by a neighbor if I would like to have a blind date with someone, I was told he was divorced. I was never told how RECENTLY divorced. We were supposed to go out to eat but he didn’t show up on time or call, even though the date had already been arranged for a month. He finally made it about 1 1/2 hours late. He’d forgotten and he’d picked up a secretary to take her out for drinks before he remembered.  I don’t want to go into that first date right now because that’s a whole blog in itself!

About three weeks later we were sitting on the couch and he said something about the fact he had been with a prostitute. My warning bells went off but I overrode them. I pretended I didn’t hear what he said. He was so charming that I just dismissed that comment and went right on feeling the rosy glow of beginning love. It was a major case of lust but I didn’t know the difference at the time.

Five weeks after I met him, he invited me to live with him for the summer. By that time  I knew I was in love with him. Yes, I know that was quick. His home was more than a three hour drive from mine, it was summer, and I was not working for ten weeks. Had he been in my home town, I think we would have moved at a slower pace.

When I arrived at his home on a Friday evening, I felt kind of grimy from the warm day and the long drive (no expressway)  so I took a shower. There was a gold cordoroy smoking type jacket hanging on the back of the bathroom door so I borrowed it. “Oh,” he said, “that’s what (insert any female name here) used to wear when she stayed  here. “Hello! “(knock knock on Annie’s skull) “What did he just say?” He had been divorced nine days when I met him. He was a traveling salesman with a wide territory. “When SHE stayed here?” Again, I let that slide. After I took a shower, he took one. While he was in the shower the phone rang. I answered it and told the woman at the other end where he was. She hung up the phone and never called again while I was there.

My ex traveled from Monday morning through Thursday night. He’d come back on Friday. That was the amount of time I had with him for those whole ten weeks. Ten weeks. That’s Saturday and Sunday. Friday night he often spent in his home office completing business. I said she never called again. I never thought to ask if he called her.  That was also ten weeks in which every other week he’d pick up his son who would stay with us for the weekend thus cutting our “get to know each other” time in half.

All in all there was not a significant amount of time that we spent together really getting to know each other on all levels. I just knew how much he said I satisfied him and I knew how much he satisfied me. I had no compass to guide me so I was sailing in very unknown waters. He drank significantly every weekend but that just made him more loveable and cuddly. He was just a teddy bear. Besides, I was drinking too so the alcohol just managed to muddy the thought processes even more.

After summer I went back to my job and I saw him a couple more times before he was transferred to Ohio for some kind of training program before being transferred to New York. That meant except for the time we spent moving my furniture into an apartment in Connecticut I only saw him two more times during Thanksgiving and a long weekend in Ohio before our wedding. We had gotten engaged in September.

Our wedding and honeymoon are still another blog. We managed to get through the first year together although he was already starting to stay out late. The following year I found out I was pregnant. We were transferred to our new home two weeks before the birth of my son. I had wanted to stay with my obstetrician in CT but I was convinced it would be easier to travel before the birth.

Our first visitors after my son’s birth were long time friends who came up to stay overnight. A few days after their visit, I got a phone call from one of them. I had gone to bed early (my son was less than two weeks old). The next morning she had gone into the living room and all the furniture was misarranged in front of the fireplace. She straightened everything back up before I could see it. Later she asked the other guest what had happened after she had gone to bed. The other guest denied everything but to this day I still believe she and my husband had a one night stand in my home. I noticed more than once how fond he was at staring at her more than ample breasts. He had no intention of downplaying his long leers.

That was the pattern from the beginning. His job always involved traveling. When he was in town, he would often come home late. One summer my sister came down for a visit after we moved the following year. My ex and I were becoming increasingly intimate one evening when he asked out of the blue if I would go get my sister for a threesome. I told him of course NO but then I added, “If that’s what you want YOU ask her.” Thinking she would be shocked and would get a clue as to the real man I married. Not thinking in a million years he would get up the nerve. It was just recently that my sister and I had a conversation and I learned he had indeed asked her. She claimed she didn’t say a word and just walked out of the room.

That was my “open marriage” with my husband. Here I was serving on a legislative committee with a guy and I would join him for coffee in a public restaraunt to measure our progress…and I felt uncomfortable about even that. My ex certainly never felt uncomfortable. Of course at one point in our marriage we went for marriage counseling. The psycologist felt that he was bipolar and had sociopathic tendencies. Tendencies? Ha …he wrote the book.  There could easily be a picture of my ex besides the sociopathic link. I can’t say he exhibited ALL the characteristics listed but then he was already 30 when I met him and I never knew anything of his past childhood or young adulthood.

Here I was a love-starved young naive woman and there he was. I had a target painted on my back and I didn’t even know it.  I’m so glad all of this is in the past and I now have some semblance of self-esteem and self-pride. I am in the process of healing and it is showing.

I recently had an opportunity to get involved with someone else but his actions were a little too familiar for comfort. I’m not about to go down this same path again. I am woman, hear me roar!

 Yahoo! I DID it! You are witnessing my first You Tube video post! I don’t need no stinkin’ personal tutorials. I watched how to do it on a tutorial blog and whalah! I done it all by myself! Oh joyouse day! I’m learning! Namaste. Attic Annie


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One response to “I think my marriage was never closed

  1. Pingback: I think my marriage was never closed Atticannie's Blog | Quit Puffing Cigarettes Guide