Good morning. Do you believe it is church day again? I’m subbing for a friend today as an usher and my muscles are reminding me of my age. Ouch! In one week’s time I have gone from asking a real estate agent to come give me a figure of what she thought my house was worth because I am protesting my taxes to deciding to downsize to putting a bid today on another house to having this one staged! Add into that an unfortunate controversial IM conversation with a man (we are both way over 50) who I thought I could discuss any topic with and get his advice as a friend, to seeing that friendship disappear. God didn’t work as hard as I have in six days.
If you have been following my blogs, I have blogged about being confused about current trends in male-female relationships. I thought he would be a good man to help me figure some things out. Kind of an insider information thing about what men really want and how men see things. A confidant should that situation ever arise. I might be older but I’m not dead. I would like a man in my life. Beyond that, I have no idea what I want that relationship to be. It all depends. I do want to get it right this time. I was looking for help with the road signs. I’m not good at reading signs and I’ll admit it.
The conversation started turning personal as if I were rebuffing him personally. I thought he was answering my questions in generalities. He was getting frustrated because he was specifically talking about himself. (I think). I kept asking questions and he kept not answering them. We talked about feeling sparks. He told me he didn’t want to hurt my feelings but no, he didn’t feel sparks with me. That was just fine. I didn’t feel sparks with him either. I am naive enough to think that maybe the sparks in a relationship sometimes come after you’ve known each other for a while, if that is what both people want. I like the idea of strolling along holding hands, sharing a fireplace or campfire, necking, at a slow pace. I don’t have a clue as to how slow or how fast. It depends. We were using road metaphors and he tells me he doesn’t have time to drive in the right hand lane. Was he really hoping the massage would open the door to a “freebie” after he admitted what he felt about me? Way to go, Sparky. That sure made me feel like a professional therapist–NOT! He told me he had met a woman on Sunday and there were serioius sparks between the two of them. He was already calling her. I was really glad for him. It didn’t bother me a bit.
I saw my friendship with this man circling the drain. Fast. I was sad at the thought of losing a male friend who could help me through this last stage of my life. When we talked about going to the baseball game, I was really pleased. I don’t like to go alone. Here was someone I could barter with to go different places with me. He had asked me if I liked to go camping in an earlier conversation. I love it. I just don’t have anyone to go with. Here is someone I thought I could help on his road of fully recovering his health with massage and find companionship in return.
I told him I didn’t have a time table but I like to see relationships build a little slowly. He said he didn’t have the time. I wondered what that meant. When we discussed what he wanted “extra” he thought I was being prudish about the whole thing because I didn’t respond with a bawdy come back as I’ve said. Now that really put me in a tight situation. How do you prove you have never been a prude without making yourself appear a person of no values? I certainly didn’t want to divulge names and dates and situations to a casual friend. I’ve had my share of flaming encounters that seemed to die out just as fast. To have told him that would have encouraged him to pursue the extras he hinted at.
The next day he posted a FB question asking if anyone would like to go to the ballgame with him. I was just too busy. I responded I couldn’t (thinking after our conversation it would just be a topic we wouldn’t go into again)…no hard feelings on my part. I asked if another woman who also responded with a no was the one he had felt sparks with. He felt I was being very snide. I’ve never been snide with anyone in my life. I wrote back one more time to tell him I was sincerely happy if he had found someone who made him happy. By that time the friendship was completely over. I’ve hidden him on my FB and he took my blog off his…a 2009 way of ending a friendship? We live far enough apart in a big enough city that we’ll never have to be concerned with bumping into each other.
It’s time to give massage therapists a break. Or it will rub them the wrong way. Here’s a web site if you want to know more about different types of legitimate massage. I hope you can open up a link. If not, cut and paste again. I’m still working on linking. I just don’t know how to find somebody to teach me.
I learned something that night. Never try to IM on such an intimate topic. You can’t hear voice inflections. You answer sentences while the other is talking and inserting something else. That leaves statements unread and out of a natural order. That leads to more confusion and frustration as you try to make your points. Oh, and as far as massage therapists? I learned I still value what I did on a PROFESSIONAL level and you’d better not make inuendoes and “suggestions”. The great majority of men would never get suggestive with their chiropractor or physical therapist. If they are stupid enough to get suggestive, they are dealt with quickly and severely. It’s time to give massage therapists a break. Or it will rub them the wrong way. Here’s a web site if you want to know more about different types of legitimate massage. I hope you can open up a link. If not, cut and paste again. I’m still working on linking. I just don’t know how to find somebody to teach me.
Gotta get ready for church where I can envision selling my house quickly and pray for misguided men who don’t know how to treat massage therapists with respect. Good day, General, wherever you may be. Namaste. Attic Annie