Is it time for Life Alert?


Ever watched those TV commercials from Life Alert? The woman lies prone on the floor pleading, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

That episode came a little close to home this morning. I stepped out of the shower onto the tile floor. Somehow the rug had been moved slightly and I missed it. While I was still in the shower I remembered I had not brought in my towel from the laundry room.

I bent forward and down to look into my tiny cabinet next to the sink, thus changing my level of gravity. I felt my feet slip backwards at the same time my head was propelling forward. I didn’t even have time to react except to think for a split second, “OH EXPLETIVE!” Instinctively, I put my hand down onto the floor to brace myself.

If there was any good in this situation, my head hit my aluminum scale which kind of gave a little. My head bounced instead of hitting the much harder tile floor.

I lay there for a moment trying to get my eyes to focus, realizing that, thank goodness I had made a three point landing. My knees had hit first simultaneously, then the palm of my hand, then my forehead.

I was running late for class this morning so I didn’t even bother to go to the fridge to get ice. I just dried myself off (having grabbed the only towel left in the cabinet), got dressed, and left.

Since the aluminum gave a little, the bump wasn’t very serious. I didn’t black out or anything. After class, I went to the ladies’ room and looked in the mirror. There were red diagonal streaks matching the pattern of the rubber layer on the scale. Beneath those streaks was a knot somewhere between the size of a quarter and a half dollar raised up about 1/4 in. I’m sure by the time I get to the hospital tomorrow morning it will start turning a beautiful shade of bruised blue.

I just got my hair cut Friday so my fringed bangs cover it somewhat but it can’t be totally covered. Perhaps, since it is just at my hair line, people won’t look that closely. I hate to have to answer “What happened to you?” stories.

I have no fear of dying. Everybody buys a one way ticket when they agree to serve time on Mother Earth. I do sometimes think about what may happen if I don’t die immediately. What would happen if I did fall and couldn’t get  up?

People used to laugh at those first commercials and poke fun at them.  I’m not sure it would have been a laughing matter.

Two weeks ago I decided not to go to church. Since I go most of the time, I have a friend there who usually calls when I don’t show up…that’s usually, not always. She called two weeks ago after class and before the church service.  I hadn’t slept well and I was sleepy so I chose to stay in bed. I just let the answer machine take her call. I called her later to tell her all is well, but she hadn’t turned her cell back on yet. I left her a message.

If I hadn’t called her, I wonder if she would have tried to reach me later in the day. I wonder if she would have thought to come by the house to check. It’s not like we talk with each other every day. Except for seeing her on Sunday, we usually don’t communicate that often.

Maxine usually checks things out if she knows I’m supposed to be somewhere. She also called that Sunday when she noticed my car hadn’t moved. I’m sure she would also check on Monday and Wednesday morning when I’m supposed to be at the hospital. The rest of the week I don’t have anything routinely scheduled.

That certainly leaves a lot of unstructured time the other four mornings of the week and every afternoon and evening.

I’m not ready to have anyone else live in my home. I enjoy my solitude. However, maybe it’s time to start examining my lifestyle. I could have problems where I couldn’t move and since I’m now retired I wouldn’t be missed.

I guess it’s time to begin thinking about something like Life Alert. Like I said, “I’m not afraid to die.” I would just prefer it be painless and so fast I wouldn’t even have to think about it. It’s the helpless painful part I’m not too fond of thinking about…or having to be somehow removed from my tiny bathroom (not big enough for a stretcher) while wearing my birthday suit. It would not be a pretty sight. Namaste. Attic Annie

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Filed under Casual conversation, diary, general topics, musings, Uncategorized

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